Third Degree
by Loretto
Summary: Sometimes people just insist on knowing everything.


"So, you and Ray, you got married when you were pretty young?"

"We were really young. He was my first boyfriend, as I believe you know."

"Yes. So..."

"Anyway, after high school, I was still living at home, working and trying to save enough money for college..."

His brow knit slightly.

"I know, I know, couldn't I get a scholarship? Unfortunately, no. My family earned a lot of money some years - when Mom had a lucky streak - and much less during others, so it was hard for us to prove need, and even though my grades were good, they weren't good enough to get me merit scholarships.

Anyway, I found out that my parents had still claimed me as a dependent for two years even though I was paying rent and actually supporting them, so that precluded my getting financial aid for at least two more years. That was typical of them. They never told me the truth about anything that might make them look bad. I used to have to drag information out of them. My mom is still like that, as I believe you know - she's incredibly evasive. I don't know why I expected them to behave differently in this case - maybe because it was so incredibly important to me, I thought they'd put me first and themselves second.

So how did I end up going from college-bound to pregnant, I hear you ask? Ray was going to community college and we were still dating, and after I found out what my parents had done, I stopped caring as much about anything, including contraception. Sure enough, I ended up pregnant, so Ray and I got married. I realize now that I was seriously depressed, but I was so angry at myself. We had been married for a few months and I had a miscarriage. If I had been more together, I would have gotten divorced, but I loved Ray and I felt like I could rely on him. So we stayed married and a year later, I was pregnant again - this time with Ray Jay. Yadda yadda yadda, here I am."

He nodded.

"I know you are wondering what I saw in him. Well, he made me laugh, and everything for him was so easy. Everybody liked him - he was a good guy, high school football player, you get the idea. I was just so tired of the drama, and he seemed so uncomplicated."

Nico's expression shifted almost imperceptibly.

"Before you start, I know, I know, it sounds like Matt. Patterns are sometimes hard to recognize, even when it's your job to do so."

He nodded.

"When I found out he had been cheating, I was furious, but on a very basic level, not surprised. He was so glib, so charming and insincere, even with me. I mean, not that you have to be glib, but he knew how to manipulate people. I think my pride was most hurt, but also he was such a freakin' hypocrite. He was always accusing me of coming on to other men."

Nico's expression shifted again.

"Before you start again, yes, you and I flirted like crazy. But that was the exception. And yes, sometimes I like to be _conversationally playful_ with men, but that's not flirting. And yes, I am a toucher, but that's because I am Italian."

He nodded again, just the faintest hint of a smile on the corner of his lips.

"Anyway, when I realized it for sure, I was angry and humiliated and felt so incredibly stupid. Those are the natural emotions, of course, but the one thing I couldn't get past was that I had trusted him - with my finances, with my heart, with my body. I'm so lucky I didn't end up with an STD because of that jerk."

He looked at her sympathetically.

"So, you are clearly wondering how I felt about Matt, who seemed to fall into bed with women pretty easily? I was horrified that I seemed to have made the same mistake twice, which is why I was trying to prove to myself that I hadn't by making it work with him."

She put up her hands, as if warding off criticism: "Clearly that's ridiculous, but that's how our hearts and minds work." She shrugged.

She took a deep breath. "Wow, you had a lot of questions. Well, I'm glad I could answer them. It's been therapeutic for me. We should have more conversations like this."

He was silent, then opened his mouth, then closed it, then finally said, "Yes. We should."


End file.
